I Don't
by Brittana-Obsession
Summary: Santana's P.O.V on everything that happened in the episode 'I Do'


**A/N: **Hey all, so this is my new fanfic. I'm starting it as a one shot, but there is potential for it to be longer if enough people want it. It is from Santana's P.O.V in the episode 'I Do'. I know the whole Quinntana thing was taken differently by people, some were for it, whilst others hated it. This is the way I saw it. Thanks to Beth for prompting me to write this, and planting the first seed in my imagination. Enough from me, I hope you all enjoy :)

* * *

I'd woken up dreading this day more than any other. I'd recently found out that Brittany was now dating Trouty Mouth. My Brittany. Only she wasn't mine any more. It'd been extremely tough to see her with him, but I'd done what I'd done so many times before in my life, and put a brave face on everything. I'd hidden the fact that my heart was breaking. I'd prevented the tears from spilling when all I'd wanted to do was run and hide from the two of them looking so close and happy together. And they did look happy. It might seem weird to others, like it did to me, because they looked and acted more like siblings most of the time.

Now, I was forced to see them all loved up together once again. Only this time it was going to be worse, because it was Valentine's Day and we were all going to be at a wedding. The 'Wemma' wedding. Everyone knows what weddings do to people. How the romance of it all seems to take over. I had to be the bitchy Santana that everyone knew, I had to bury my emotions and my feelings as deeply as possible. It was time to put on the brave face that everyone thought was the usual, bitchy me.

I dressed, picking out an outfit that said I was trying but not trying too hard and text Quinn. She was going to be my company for the day. I couldn't face the wedding or 'Bram' alone. She said she was on the way and that she'd be here in a few minutes. I didn't bother replying, I didn't see the point in those one word texts that usually said OK or something like that. I finished applying the last minute touches to my make up and my outfit, then made sure that I had everything I needed. Especially my fake I.D. I was certain I was going to need a drink, or several of them tonight and my fake I.D was the only way I was going to get them. I stared down at the picture of myself in my hand, looked at the name _Rosario Cruz _where it should have had my real name. I smiled. I couldn't help it. The combination of Quinn and my fake I.D were my saviours today. I was sure I'd get through it all, just as long as I had both of them.

A few minutes later, I got a text from Quinn telling me she was outside. I picked up my purse, took one last look at myself in the mirror and smiled. I looked good, I knew that at least. I checked one last time to make sure I had everything I needed, before heading for the door and out into Quinn's car.

* * *

We took our seats in the pew, waiting for this wedding to begin. I was trying my best not to be distracted by the fact that Sam and Brittany were sitting just a few pews in front of me. I had to keep my resolve.

"It is a carrot top convention." I said, sitting in my seat. Trying to distract myself.

Brittany caught my eye and waved my way. I gave a small, pathetic wave back as I felt my heart take a hit. Why did he have to wave too? I wasn't waving at him, hell right now I hated him. Couldn't Brittany do anything without him getting involved?

"I am so over this, and it hasn't even started yet. I'm clearly the hottest bitch in this lousy joint, but I'm all alone, stuck here sitting with you."

"Do you want me to slap you again?" Quinn said, as she rolled her eyes at me.

"I hate weddings, and I hate Valentine's Day. They were invented by breeders to sell cheap chocolate and false hope." I rambled as I fixed my hair in Quinn's compact mirror.

"Do you know what I hate?" she asked. "Men. Every single one of them is a pig, except maybe Mr Shue and Al Roker. And you know what? You were right. I do let men define me, but not anymore. Like Gloria Steinem said, 'A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.'"

I couldn't help but chuckle at Quinn. I was glad she was here with me, helping me to get through this horrible day.

"Al Roker is disgusting, by the way." I said, smiling at my friend.

She scoffed in response then added "Whatever."

We sat and made small talk, as everyone around us milled around. I wasn't really paying attention to anyone but Quinn. I wanted her to have my attention, purely so that I didn't sit and stare at Sam and Brittany sitting closely together, laughing and acting all cutesy. It was enough to make me sick.

* * *

Before long it became apparent to everyone that Emma wasn't coming and that the wedding was off. No-one knew why for sure but I was pretty sure everyone felt bad for Mr Shue. He wasn't a bad man and no-one deserved to be left at the altar.

I was chosen to go and ask Mr Shue what he wanted us to do about the reception. I didn't really want to be the one to ask him, but someone had to do it, and I'd had enough of putting on a brave face. I needed a drink.

I walked into the church and saw Mr Shue sitting on the steps of the altar with Finn. I didn't want to interrupt him, but I wanted to get this over with. I cleared my throat, distracting them from whatever they'd been talking about.

"I have been chosen, probably because I am numb to other people's feelings, to come here and ask what you would like to do, Mr Shue?"

"Do about what?" he asked, which made me feel worse somehow.

"Uh, about the reception. Miss Pillsbury's parents say they paid for the whole thing so, we might as well go ahead and have the party. If you ask me, they seem pretty happy about what happened." I said without even thinking about it. As soon as I'd said it, I felt bad but I wanted to just get out of here.

"We can't have the reception now, I mean ..." Finn began, but Mr Shue interrupted him.

"Sure you can. All of you came back, you should be together. Just because I've ruined my Valentine's Day doesn't mean I should ruin all yours too."

I was thinking how my Valentine's Day was already ruined as I watched him as he began to leave the church, looking completely deflated. I felt so sorry for him.

"I'm gonna go see if I can find Emma." he said, before turning around and leaving.

I couldn't wait to get out of there. If I hadn't needed a drink before, I sure as hell did now.

* * *

We were in the reception hall, and I was dancing with Quinn. I was trying to distract myself from all the crap of this day. But it was about to get worse. I had been quite content on the dance floor, having some care free fun with Quinn, but then Sam took Brittany's hand leading her onto the dance floor and everything changed. I wasn't care free or having fun any more. I was facing down the woman I love, as she was dancing with her new boyfriend. My heart took another hit, and I had to walk away. I grabbed Quinn's hand and pulled her through the people on the dance floor.

"We all should've known that a Valentine's Day wedding was just asking for a disaster." Quinn said as she followed me to the bar.

"Love stinks." I found myself saying.

"Sorry, ladies. Can I see some I.D?" the bartender asked as we reached the bar.

Both Quinn and I pulled out our fake I.D's from our purses and flashed them at the bartender.

"I'm 25. Name's Rosario Cruz. I might be related to Penelope. You?" I said, turning to Quinn.

"Emily Stark. Barely legal." she replied.

"Well, that's good 'cause I hear your professors are into that." I joked, smiling at Quinn as we reached over and took our drinks from the bar. "You know, we always were two ends of the same bitch-goddess spectrum. Maybe that's why we love each other so much. And slap each other." I added, before we both chuckled.

"You know, I have to say, Rosario, you are killing it in that dress." Quinn said, which took me by surprise. I hadn't expected her to say something like that.

"Thanks." I said, still feeling puzzled by her comment. Had Quinn really just flirted with me?

I took my gaze away from Quinn and my eyes fell on Brittany and Sam dancing together. The image seriously made me sick.

"Look at those romantic saps. You know, they may have love, but you know what we are that they are not?" I said, turning my head to look at Quinn.

"Flawless." Quinn replied, nonchalantly. Which made us both laugh. We toasted to that.

* * *

We spent the rest of the night, drinking and dancing as I tried to distract myself as much as possible from what was happening around me. I didn't want to see people in love and I especially didn't want to see anything like that between Sam and Brittany. No matter what happened, she was still the woman I loved. The woman who held my heart. I couldn't just turn those feelings off. Yes, I'd broken things off. That was my mistake. But once again here I was watching Brittany in the arms of a boy, choosing him over me. It hurt much more than I'd ever admit.

It had devastated me when Brittany had told me that she would be with me, if it wasn't for Artie. I'd felt that pain, it had almost broken me. In a time when I was struggling to come to terms with my sexuality, I didn't have the one person I loved. Had always loved and always would love. It'd been an extremely painful time for me then. It was worse now. I was going through the same thing all over again, only this time it was a different boy getting in between us.

Every time I caught a glance of them together, I would order another drink. I would focus my attention on Quinn and get lost in the music. Quinn was attentive, I found myself paying a lot more attention when she placed her hand in the small of my back, or brushed her hand over my arm. I didn't know if I was imagining it. I'd never even thought of Quinn in that way. Brittany was the love of my life, she was the only woman I'd ever been interested in, really interested in. But the more I drank, and the more I paid attention to Quinn's actions, the more I realized that she really was flirting with me. At first I didn't know how to react. I was shocked, I was flattered but I didn't think too much of it. We'd both been drinking, we were both in a bad place when it came to relationships. We drank some more, we danced some more and the more I saw Brittany and Sam together, the more I buried myself in the alcohol and in Quinn's attention.

Before I even knew what I was doing, I'd grabbed Quinn by the hand and was pulling her away from the dance floor, away from the bar and away from all the people. I couldn't be here any more, I didn't want to be around these people, and I didn't want to see Sam and Brittany any more. I couldn't take the two of them together. I'd been as strong as I could be for as long as I could but now I'd broke. I don't even know when we got the room key, or where. Maybe Mr Shue had provided it or maybe we'd gotten the room ourselves, I didn't know. All I knew was that I was in the corridor, spinning and dancing, laughing with Quinn until we reached our room.

For the first time that night, I felt carefree. I wasn't thinking about Brittany and Sam, I wasn't thinking about how much it hurt to see them together or how it broke my heart, I wasn't thinking about how much I loved and missed Brittany. I was thinking about Quinn, I was thinking about myself and I was thinking about having some fun. Quinn opened the door to our room, and I followed her in. There was nothing but fun on my mind, which is why I walked into that room knowing what I was going to do.

* * *

"So, that's why college girls experiment?" Quinn said, as she fell back onto the bed, clearly satisfied.

"And thank God they do." I said, smiling. Not a single part of me regretted what had just happened. I'd had fun and I'd enjoyed myself with Quinn. I wasn't about to beat myself up over that.

"You know, it was fun and I've always wondered what it'd be like to be with a woman. But, uh, I don't know, I think for me it was more of a one time thing." Quinn said.

I couldn't help but be amused by Quinn. It was like she thought we had to move in together or something just because we'd had sex. It was cute and funny.

"Look, you don't have to worry. I'm not gonna show up at your house with a u-haul." I said, trying to keep a straight face. As funny as it was, I had to show that I was serious too. I didn't expect anything more from this. I knew what it was, and so did Quinn.

"So, what happens next?" Quinn asked, smiling.

"Well, you could walk out first." I said, looking at Quinn as she picked up a bottle of water and took a sip from it. "Or, we could make it a two time thing." I said, flirting. Quinn seemed to like that idea because she smiled at me and then turned and placed the bottle of water on the bedside table. There was nothing wrong with having a little more fun.

* * *

The next morning, I woke up and Quinn was already gone. I looked over to her pillow and saw that she'd left me a note.

_Santana, I had fun last night. I really liked meeting Rosario, I hope this doesn't affect our friendship. Talk soon. Love Emily x_

I smiled as I read the note, I knew what had happened last night wouldn't affect our friendship, we'd had fun but that was all it would ever be. A part of me wouldn't have minded a few more hook ups with Quinn, but I knew that would never happen. I loved Brittany and with her was where I truly wanted to be. I just had to figure out a way to get her away from Sam.


End file.
